From the Lips of a Birthmother in Orlando

My  First Reaction
I did not know I was having a baby until 18 weeks into my pregnancy.   Five months later, I ended up blessing a couple who could not have  children with a beautiful baby girl, or as most people would refer to  it, I “put her up for adoption.” When the doctor informed me of my  pregnancy, my first reaction was “Why did this have to happen to me?”   The second  question was “How will my mother react?”
Coming to Acceptance
Accepting the fact that I was pregnant and realizing that there was no  way out was the first step in coming up with a solution.  I knew I just  had to deal with it  And I had to develop a plan for how I was going to  handle the situation. An abortion was not an option that I considered  because it is against what I believe in. In my mind, I knew that I was  not ready for a baby emotionally, mentally, nor financially. Not being  financially stable meant that I had to choose government assistance,  also known as welfare, and I did not want to be a statistic of African  American women depending on the government to take care of them and  their children. Being on welfare would create a chance of limiting my  child from attending college. Knowing there was a possibility of her not  being able to pursue a decent education, I decided to research other  alternatives. The alternative that I chose from my research was  adoption. I made the choice that would best benefit me and my child.
First Attempt at Adoption
First, I chose a local agency. Not having much time until the baby was  due, I had to speed up the process that birthparents have to go through  with their agency. Once I understood all the paper work, I then had to  choose a family. After looking through the profiles I chose a Caucasian  couple from another state that could not have children. A telephone  conference with the adoptive parents that I had chosen was scheduled.  While speaking with them, I realized I was not comfortable with them  because their reaction to the news seemed as if they were not overjoyed.  During the conversation the husband did not allow the wife to answer  many questions. That concerned me because I would not want my child to  grow up in a family where she could not think for herself as I thought  the husband was preventing his wife from doing. Another problem that I  encountered was with some of their responses to my questions. When  asking about their religious background and any association with African  Americans, their answers consisted of them not having an established  religion and not having association with any African Americans. Those  two questions were important to me because I wanted a couple with an  established Christian background and I wanted them to have at least a  couple of African Americans that they were associated with. When  realizing that they did not have the qualities that I wanted in adoptive  parents for my child, I decided not to be matched with that couple.   Then I was then back at square one.
Second Adoption Attempt is Golden
My mother then found an attorney who deals with adoptions, and we  scheduled an appointment to talk with her.  Together, my mother and I  examined profiles of couples wanting to adopt that the attorney gave us.  While looking through these profiles, I instantly connected with one  couple’s picture. Opening it up and reading about them I felt in my  heart that they were the right couple. Still not making them my final  choice, I looked through a couple of other families’ profiles.  But I  kept coming back to the original couple’s picture that I felt at ease  with. I finally made my decision that they were the parents that I  wanted for my daughter. With them being my final choice, I asked my  mother how she felt about them. My mother agreed with me that she felt  an instant connection with their profile as well. So once my decision  was final, the attorney called all the necessary people to get in  contact with John and Mary, the couple I chose.
Connecting with the Adoptive Family
Within 30 minutes they were on the phone sounding as if they had heard  the greatest news of their lives. When trying to speak with them on the  phone they both were speechless and very emotional. Once they were  relaxed, my mother and I engaged in questions that we felt were  important to us. For instance, we asked them about their religious  background and found out they were active in their church, which was a  plus because we wanted a couple who practiced their beliefs regularly.  Some of the other questions we asked were about their college plans for  the baby and and their social life interactions with African American  couples or couples who may have adopted African American children. Their  responses were perfect! They told us they would start an early college  fund as she was born.  And they have both African American friends and  are friends with other Caucasians who have adopted African American  children. Once the hour-long conversation ended, I felt more comfortable  with them and was ready to meet them in person.
Meeting the Adoptive Family
After having Baby Cynthia late Wednesday night, the next morning I was  greeted by John and Mary with great big hugs. They had flown in that  morning.  All that day, we sat around learning more about each other and  establishing a connection between us and the baby. It was great.  They  were so happy.  I know I made the right choice.
Final Decision Time
The next day was the day of my discharge from the hospital and the  signing of papers to terminate my parental rights. On this day, all my  emotions ruptured and I cried. The whole day I spent with my daughter  telling her how much I loved her and wanted the best for her. During  this time, I made it clear to her that I felt that adoption would be the  best for the both of us. I also told her that her adoptive parents were  grateful and loved her just as much as I did. At 5 p.m. was when I  planned to make one of the biggest decisions of my life. Everyone  involved in witnessing the adoption signing ceremony, the attorney and  two witnesses, entered my room one by one. One of the first things they  did once they were in the room was to explain to me what was going to  happen. The attorney said she would first read the Consent for Adoption  out loud, and while doing that, I would have the opportunity to ask any  questions and to make sure all the information in the document was true  to my knowledge. And once she was done, I would make the final decision  to either sign my parental rights away or to choose to parent.
Second Thoughts
After reading the consent document, it was then my turn to make the  decision. When signing the document there were so many thoughts that  went through my head, “Will she hate me? Will I want her back?” With all  these thoughts, I still decided to be strong because I knew it was the  right thing to do. Before I completed signing my last name, I stopped to  think one last time about what I was doing. At this point in time, I  still felt that adoption was the best decision.  My mother was right  there in the room with me the whole time.  I knew she would agree with  whichever decision I made and she would support me. After signing my  last name, my rights were forever terminated.
Giving My Baby to the Adoptive Parents
Before leaving the hospital, the new parents, John and Mary, and Baby  Cynthia joined me in my hospital room so I could say my final good-byes.  During this time the couple was telling me how much they appreciate,  admire, and respect me for choosing them to raise my daughter and how  they are going to always tell her about me as well as teach her about  her African American background. Once the gathering was over I placed  Cynthia in their arms and ensured them that they were going to be great  parents.
Some Final Thoughts
Going through this process, an unknown author of “A Child’s Story” felt  the same way that I did about adoption. She knew that she was not ready  for a baby and recognized that there was someone else who was. Adoption  also took a lot of strength from her as well as it did for me. Being in  this position, the mother has to be strong and confident with her  decisions. And both the author of that story and I were definite with  the choice that we were making. In the end, the most important fact is  that I did not allow my selfishness to get in the way of doing the right  thing. I could have thought about myself and had an abortion, killing  an innocent child, but instead I chose life for my baby.
The Race Thing
In the beginning of the adoption process, I wanted African American  parents for my child, but when looking through different couple’s  profiles, I learned I wanted to look past race. Experiencing this event  has changed my mind about interracial adoptions for the simple fact that  it is not about what is on the outside of a person but what is on the  inside. I learned that a Caucasian couple could love and care for my  child unconditionally just as an African American couple could.
My Gift
This is a memory that cannot be forgotten because I brought life into  the world and that is something that I took for granted before. This has  taught me how to be thankful for all the small things because I could  have been in a position where I could not conceive children.  And even  though conceiving her was unexpected, a great thing came out of it: Me  blessing a couple who could not have children.
*The names in this story have been changed to ensure confidentiality.

The author of this story started college within a few weeks after giving  birth to Baby Cynthia.